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Wow   
07:59am 04/11/2005
 
mood: weird
everything is juts.

well everything.

so much drama has happened.

the past is coming back to bite me in the ass.

i forgot about this thing

its been so long.

ive lost so many friends.

and got so many new ones.

i dont know what to do.

ive had 3 boyfriends in the last year.

hopefully this one is for keeps.

i think he is.

well at least im in love with him.

as i said the past is coming back to haunt me and it fucking suckx.

why cant you go away and leave me alone for fucking ever?

is that so hard to ask?

i dont know what else to say.

peace.


Heather.
 
     

(1 *wish* | *wish.upon.a.star*)

 
hmmmm   
05:00pm 09/06/2005
 
mood: amused
havent written in a while.

thought id give an update.

pphone taken away.
grounded.
no more school.
job sucks.
new friends.
reunited with old friends.
lost friends.
money stolen.
found out who took money and will crusify her.
am a senior now.
failed every final i beleive.
dating katie kuhns little brother.
he will be at the high school next year.
who knows if itll last. shujbn sd
volleyball.
eye problems.
my vagina bleeds.
joe lach is my hero and got his first speeding ticket.
he is also teaching me how to drive this summer.
my birthday is a month and a few days away.
im getting my lip peirced. a tat. and hair crazeD!
going to head autpomatica to see ben duty open no matter what!
im still a picture whore.
i do better makeup then your mom.
my dog has a tumor and is acting up.
i act out to get attention.
im addicted to gatorade.
i lost weight.
my boobs are getting bigger by the day.
robert loves my boobs ♥ .
saw star wars. saw lords of dog town. both AMAZING.
lovvvvvvvvvve armor for sleeps song car underwater.
mix cd's are for llovers.
and so am i.


stupid stuff.
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HMM   
09:47am 10/05/2005
 
mood: blank
so yes. indeed a long time you say? well alot has been going on lately and i mean alot. cant sit still for one minute without doing something or having to do something. i guess its just my way of keeping busy and not thinking of the bad. who knows.

last week. worked ALOT sunday, monday, tuesday, wednesday Thursday matt came over and nicole showed up. we went to waterworks and hung out with Graeme and Theresa a bit... graeme bought a green pokemon game and was super excited about it... matt hall left us there stranded and it sucked! graeme kept apologizing for him cuz hes a nice kid like that. my mom was PISSED about having to pick us up hahah but me n nicole had a fun time. went home. talked to robert on the phone fo like EVER... and bed

well this weekend was ok. friday was way hott. i worked until 9:30 and joe lach called and was like "guess who passed thier drivers test!?" im so proud of my joey! hes so effing awesome. robert and josh came down to walk me home. had a ride but they INSISTED walking all the way home. oh well. chilled at my house for a bit then they left and time called. chated for a bit and "accidentally hung up" on him hahah. went to bed yeah.

saturday was kennywood.. robert and josh came over early and fucked around and tony, ashley and domonic came and picked us up. it rained the first two hours there and we got SOAKED but it was loads of fun. the rest of the day was nice. hung out with george and his gf julie and met up with JASON!, john ceney, tim haas, and JOE LACH. joe looked HAWT omg i almost creamed my panties. that kid has just got way too much to offer. hahah. robert was a doll. and everything was fin till around 7:30 when KT called like 50 million times and left me a bitch ass voiuce mail. i cussed her out and she made robert leave. uhm yeah little mad. dont ya think? oh well. came home around midnight and jason called me as soon as he got home and told me shes spreading rumors about me and robert. uhm having sex with a 14 year old? uhm no i think not thank you very much... talked to him for a while and bed.

took my mom to brunch on sunday and gave her her gifts. i bought her the new rob thomas cd and ive been listening to it alot.. LOVE the song lonley no more. the techno club version of course. worked from 12:30 to close and had dinner with her. went to bris about near 10 to watch our show the L word. BEST SHOW EVER! season finale next weak. *tear*. and we got trashed. hahah. yeah. SXE heather no more sorry. came home round 1:30.. mom was asleep.

monday work. with joey logan, ashley, AND reeva. BEST night ever. and i LOVE john ROOOSSSS! hahaha jay kay.

so yeah pics.

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08:10am 14/04/2005
 
mood: accomplished
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couldnt finish.

more third period
 
     

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My greatest gift to you. is my death wish.   
08:02am 14/04/2005
 
mood: apathetic
So this is contuinuous happiness?
you know i always imagined it something more.
with the right drapes.
the right paints.
the right frames.
this could really work.
what a great day to spend indoors.

::sighs::

*insecurity*

sucks when you love someone just THAT much...

why are my lungs
aching when i breathe?
and my heart
feels sick when i speak.
this is not
what i hoped for.

blah. its all emo.


come on come on
Lets just get this over with....
 
     

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blah   
09:22am 22/03/2005
  sooooo not much lately...

show saturday.. cherry monroe.. it was perr cool. hanging with nicole is always a fun time and seeing graeme again was amazing. he purely is a great little boy. allie zeh. ALWAYS a joy in my heart to hang with ALLIE ZEH! love that girl to DEATH... nuff said.

so street light... CANCELED. im pissed. beyond pissed. now i hacve nothing yo do this week.

thinking about hangning out with ashley, tony, and jason weds tho. i need to have a good time. im tired of this straight edge bullshit.

hahahaha jay kay guys jay kay.

im a straight edge kid cuz i wanna be. i dont need alcohol to make me fun. i ALREADY am fun enough as it is. but i just wanna let loose ya know. bust outta my shell ya know....

hmm maybe its just me.

so yeah i wanna go to the movies. i wanna go to the mall. i need to pay my mom some money for my phone bill. and i dont work till friday.

ugh.

i talked to kyle last night. we act the same. as if nothing ever happened. it hurts sometimes. but it makes me grin because i know he still loves me and wants me back.... oh well his decision... everything is all up to him.

hahaha. im bored. and i wont be writing in here till next week cuz of spring break. oh i cant wait...

ta ta for now.


Heather.
 
     

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recolection   
09:14am 18/03/2005
 
mood: amused
as you know i only reside in livejournal tuesdays, thursdays, and fridays due to the fact of my not having a computer at the house. no thats right i have no recieved it back yet and probly never will. oh well ive learned to deal with it.

so kyle and i talked last night. he has his cell phone back and it was ok to say the least. hes not calling me again till this weekend.. i dont know why... i wish we could talk normal like before but hey. since were not a couple anymore and all.

ive come to a realization that ehhh good things never last. gotta hold tight as much as you can.

so i work tongiht. fun fun and tomorroe i get to see ALL at the show. bens going so im super excited. at least i wont be completely alone. i think krystle is too and i havent seen her in a while. itll be nice to catch up. bens kinda scared so hell stick by me for a while hahahah.

tim hasnt called me in 3 days. maybe due to the fact he showed mia his penis and he knows that she would tell me. yeah tim your a freak. enough said.

so yeah. today i did my makeup like barbies. im quite proud of it i must say so myself. its wayyyy hot. and im wearing my abercrombie shirt. my tits look ENORMOUS in it. so thats always a plus.

im single.

i never thought the words would flow my mouth in almost a year. ahhhh its refreshing yet at the same time.... sadening to myself in allllll ,matters. but hey he needs some time. so do i, i guess.

hmmm wellllll mia and i plan to go to the pajama kareoke dance wednesday. and before that i have an eye doctors appointment. im getting contacts!! yay! im excited... these glasses hide everything. it sucks. so shes sleeping over cuz thursday in streetlight manifesto. which reminds me i have to call or go up there for ticks.....

spring break will eb fun. hopefully ill hang otu with dave. most likely and well probly go see the ring2 or some shit like that. dave and i always have fun together.. hmmm.

hmmm.

hmmmmmm.

well. i dont have much to say. ive been crying alot i guess thats normal for my situation tho. ahahah yeah.

so yeah my myspace needs work. its hott but needs be hotter. http://profiles.myspace.com/users/2943787
thats me.

well im off cuz im bored.

ta ta lovies.


Heather.
 
     

(1 *wish* | *wish.upon.a.star*)

 
   
09:34am 17/03/2005
 

so its st patricks day. and i look fantastic...

so everything is a mess. and i hate it.

yea my life sucks.

but im dealing quite well if you asked me.

just dont ask me to roll up my sleeve. ha.

well ive been thru hell and back again.

my mother and heath are acusing me of doing things i cant even do. but thats still the same as always. how can i go on your computer mother if i dont know the password? thanks heath for getting me in trouble for your shit AGAIN...

kyle and i... i dont know where that is going or has gone in that fact. so dont ask.

i dont want to rehash or ill start crying agian.

so work was good last night and will be friday too. im getting my pay tonight and my moms going to heaths show thingy with his new band. at least ill be alone.

im giving nicole charles my ticket money to buy ticks for me for saturday from rob... oh rob how i love his huge nose. hahahha yea its pretty big. hahah so saturday will be fun. everyone is going and me and nicole will have a blast.

next thursday is streetlight manifesto and i might get my ticket tonight for it.. everyones going to that too and im excited. ben wants me to go so im going.. heh. itll be fun though.

so weds is that kareoke dance at my school. me and mia are debating wether to crash it or not. whos knows.

i work sat 10 am to 5pm... so ill be ready for some fun..

APRIL:
catch 22 with mia on the 5th.

MSI WITH MIA ON THE 14TH!

all day fest thing with mia on the 15th.

tiger army and the unseen on the 28th

MAY:
Midtown, plian white tees, action action on the 7th

and of course the battle of the bands on march 31st... wouldnt miss it for the world guys.... hahah

ive got lots to do. and wayyyyy too much money to spend. and save.

KT is taking me to canada for the first time! im excited. dont know when we are going but im excited..... AAHAHAHAHAH!!! im excited... so yeah im excited..

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm i dunno what im gonna do this summer for vaca yet... maybe gio with miss angie and bri to wildwood. and then somewhere for a weekend with my mommie. and maybe with kt thise summer... ahhh who knows... so much to choose from.

school is ok. i brought up my grades. im not failing geometry any longer. french is ehhhh. western cultiures A baby! and yeah..

bell rang ill write more tomorroe
 
     

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09:43am 08/03/2005
  hey. promotion.

http://www.livejournal.com/~___ohdear

hot stuff.


Heather
 
     

(1 *wish* | *wish.upon.a.star*)

 
   
09:32am 04/03/2005
 
mood: crushed
so yeah.

my life sucks.

and everything in it.

is not in it anymore.

the concert was sooooo awesome.

apart from the fact that i had a concusion the last half of it.

yep...

moshing is a dangerous game.

i kissed a lot of people that night.

maybe due to the fact that i had a concusion.

most of them were girls.

it was pretty entertaining.

so yeah.

HAWTHORN HEIGHTS. HOPESFALL. ANBERLIN. PLAIN WHITE TEES. AND WHOEVER THE FUCK ELSE SUNDAY!

thas right.

ill be back at that mother fucker like no else.

with KT and REEVA! and NICOLE and SARANIA!

oh em gee am i excited.

well on to the bad news.

sassy has a tumor in her leg. and its not smallish and the doctors said if it gets any bigger theyll have to operate.. yeah fucking sucks.

kyles not coming.

and we may be breaking up due to his lack of enthusiasm in this relationship.

fine if you wanna go hang out with fucking MICHELE and PENNY than rather do what i suggest.

then FINE FUCK YOU!

ugh.

i dont mean it.

and i know i dont mean it.

this boy is my world. my entire FUCKING universe. but if it ends it ends right? no looking back right? not so easy...

last night i was so out of it and i was talking like a 4 year old that had no sleep on five years. it was all the meds. but things were said that NEEDED to eb said. and i hope he realizes whats up for stake.

being that his parents hate me. im tired of this. if he cant come then its over. im not wasting my life for expectations that wont come true. im so tired of it...

im tired of everything... just everything now.

i cant handle life at all. and when i do something else comes along to fuck my day up...

cunts.

my school is filled with cunts.

and i hate them all.

except for melanie clark. being that shes sitting right next to me as i type and shes breathing down my neck..... dot dot dot...

kyle vidovich if you see this then listen herrr.

im done with your childish anticts.

im done with your fucking bullshit pansy assness.

get your life in order.

and your priorities straightened out.

you need to stop in your tracks and think about a lot of things.

plan out what you need to do.

dont just leave it go and back off like always.

this is what you need to do to save our relationship.

if you dont we cant be together.

im calling you after school... i dont know if you work today or if you have a hockey game. but we need to talk.

before i die.

NO MORE DAYS CUZ HES NOT COMING....


Heather
 
     

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ugh.ugh.ugh.   
01:45am 27/02/2005
 
mood: tired
so long ugh day.

dont wanna talk about it.

it was bad.

saw cursed with dave and it sucked beyond belief.

im staying at bris.

cuz my mothers a whore cunt bag bitch face.

and shes taking pictures with my digital camera.

work was great friday.

reeva pearsal and myself will be seen together at the concert at smalls on weds. and i cannot wait! reeva is like. my all time love and a half. and we make fun of val allll the time. so itll be oh so much fun.

i think i might move out.

situations are getting that bad.

i cried a lot today but im fine now.

i just have to accept the fact that shes finally chosen him over me and im fine with it i guess, it just hurts a little ya know?

kyles worried sick and he doesnt have to be. im fine and bri and i are having a ball. she is my savior. luhhhhhhhve her! ♥

so yeah. im tired.

grapes soda is wearin me out.

ill writ soon. maybe monday. yeah. monday.

tomorroe i take back KT's gift and im gonna look at cingular phones with my mother so hopefully i can get one. ill be super excited!! but if not ill get one next weekend of soon.. very soon. and the kyle and i will talk forever!

krista was at the movies tonight with her mom and dad so dav and i held hands the whole time to make her mad hahahah. it was so great. i had fun tho. until well the mother. heh. but im getting over it.

ill get some sleep. wake up. go home and call kyle to leave him a message. i miss him oh so much. it hurts. broken heart right there...

until monday loves.

i bid you ado.

ONE MONTH AND 2 DAYS!


Heather.
 
     

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pisha   
09:22pm 24/02/2005
 
mood: ditzy

so yeah. big scare.

thought me and kyle were totally done and things turn around yet again for the good :).

so yesterday at school i poured a bottle of water over allen conroys head in lunch.

it was great.

he called me everyname in the book.

and then called me later that night... what an ass.

i got called in for work so i went. kori, sarah, and joe were wokring so it wasnt half bad. hba is killing me though. hahaha. sarah and i closed because scanga called off and sarah k was too busy in the office... bobby c and john roos were working too. i was excited. i love those kids more than anything. bobby always makes me smile and john is just too sweet.

i was in a killer mood for a while then snapped out of it. and started asking everyonme if they wanted some hand sanitzer. HEY! its an addiction i tell you. yeah crazy.

so i came home and told my mother i wasnt going to school today. cuz i didnt feel like it. so kyle called and we talked till i fell asleep again... its becoming a necessary thing.

today was boring. but i chilled with alex... some kid i met while working. hes real cool. i love homosexuals.

hmm. im going to start writing in this more often. cuz i dont have a life.

im not working saturday so i figure ill go out to waterworks and see constantine with ahsley, tony, joe, dave and a bunch of other people.

misdameanors at walmart during store closing hours are always fun.

one month and five days!


Heather
 
     

(2 *wish*s | *wish.upon.a.star*)

 
...the way to end...her perfect...:*{world}*:...   
10:07pm 22/02/2005
 
mood: tired
i.

cant.

live.

anymore.

i think kyle and my relationship. is finally over. why you may ask has the most cutest. most adorable. most loveable. most perfect couple end?

because of parents. and friends. and influences of many.

so my mother doesnt want me seeing him when he comes.

and his parents dont want us talking on the phone.

i dont have my laptop anymore. because of idiots in my house. not mentioning any names.

so how will we make this work?

i honestly dont know.

the girl who has all the answers for everyones problems. runs out when the time comes for her own. interesting how that works ehh?

i have no life.

my friends are lame. and the ones who arent. well we dont see each other often. and the other ones abandoned me for. well who knows.

my home life is a mess.

my mother is way too emotionally abusive now. she takes everything out on me and its not fair. her drinking has escilated since her "relationship" started with sir Heath. yes Heath. this man is THE most. stupid. moronic. utter annoing man ever to walk this earth. he treats her and myself like shit. i tell her. but she never listens. and she takes her rage for him. out on who else?

ME.

uhmm. yes. school.

im doing horrible in school because i dont have the enewrgy to do anything anymore. not even an easy extra credit assignment. geometry and chemistry. forget about it. i feel liek THE most stupid person ever. and SAT's are in 2 weeks. im never going anywhere inn life so i should stop before i get ahead of myself.

my escape from everything was him. and now hes gone. and i have no idea what to do. i just want to take a long bath.

and drown in it.

i cry way too much now. more than ive ever cried in years. i hate being liek this. i try to impress but get nothing in return.

my own mother cant even tell me i look nice in an outfit and makeup that i wear to impress her. nope. nothing.

maybe i expect too much?

no. not that.

i expect just enough.

im no spoiled brat i know when i need to be treated right. and im not ebing treated right at ALL!.

but i dont know what to do.

and no one reads these anyways.

so whats the point.

its like im reaching out for a hand to pull me back up from the ground. but i have no one. and no one is there to help me. im in the dark laying on a cold damp floor all by myself. and its hopeless.

im.

so tired.

omg im so sick of being tired. and so tired of being sick?

this is the pits. TBS!? god. wow. ive stooped to the lowest of low.

i have no will left in me to push forward. and nothing to lull me back to lala land. i am dead inside. and there is nothing left of me.

someone save me please?

goodnight.

and goodbye.


Heather
 
     

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myspace. BLOCKED! ::gasps::   
07:54am 19/01/2005
 
mood: awake
so yeah school blocked myspace and it pisses me off. so im writing in here the rest of the year. yeah. depressing.

so im researching for a project. bummer. and im on the freaking EMERICA website. yeah uh huh. sex right there.

new kevin pictures. and so much new info! its unbeleiveabole. i missed the skateboarding life. oh so much. im registerng for the blab RIGHT NOW!

yeah so yeah. im excited. ohh ahh!!!!!!!!

ill put new pics soon...

<3 you kyle.

x.o.x.o.

<3
heatha..
 
     

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08:04pm 15/12/2004
 
mood: TOO HAWT TO HANDLE!
HAWT DAMN!

HAWT DAMN!

HAWT DAMN!

NEW HAIR!

NEW HAIR!

NEW HAIR!

AHHH TAKE A GANDER BITCHES..

HawT DamN NeW MothA FuckiN HizzaiR!Collapse )
 
     

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my 2d entry today.a survey.blah.heh.   
04:38pm 01/12/2004
 
mood: FYI im a nut.period.FIN.
[x]Name: heather
[x] Nicknames: heath, hess,wildflower, skank pants.. whore..
[x] Sex: female
[x] Birthday: july 15th 1988
[x] Height: 5'10ish
[x] Hair Color: brownish blondish
[x] Is your hair long: ehh id say so..
[x] State born in: its not a state.. its a country bitch.. hah.
[x] Location now: lpittsburgh
[x] Who makes you laugh the most? mia and dave.
[x] Who knows the most about you?: probly mia



X c r u s h i n X
[x] Pre-School: didnt go to pre school.
[x] Kindergarten: didint have one.. boys had cooties.
[x] 1st Grade: no one..
[x] 2nd Grade: no one..
[x] 3rd Grade: adam fike
[x] 4th Grade: nick krotec..eric enslow.. adam fike. hah
[x]5thGrade: oh god. adam fike.
[x] 6th Grade: i was fully in love with my beau adam woods.. and adam fike. hah.
[x] 7th Grade: chris barna and adam fike.
[x] 8th Grade: jimmiy novak.. billy taylor.. what a mistake.. then jay moore..
[x] 9th Grade: jeremy martin"GTA", brad bodnar, jay moore
[x] 10th Grade: chris haberstick, leroy, dale ventirce, dave tuminello, then kyle vidovich
[x] 11th grade: kyle vidovich.
[x] 12th grade: will be still kyle vidovich
[x] Boy/girlfriend status: my kyle vidovich..



X o t h e r X

[x] Do you have a job: yes.
[x] What are you scared of: being alone.. spiders. ew.i hate bugs.period.
[x] Who's your role model: myself. douglas colvin"deedeeramone"
[x] Most interesting thing you've done this summer: umm. go to europe?
[x] What store do you shop at the most: hrmm. a store?
[x] Have you ever done any drugs: nupe.
[x] Do you collect anything: nupe.
[x] Are you a ditz: hah.when i wanna be.





X f a v o r i t e s X

[x] Day of the week: Sunday.
[x] Thing in your room: my bed.my computer.my tv.my stereo<3
[x] Cousin: shawn.but hes dead.so yeah.
[x] CD: ramones.anything.
[x] Song{s} : oo many to list.
[x] Animal: cows!
[x] Ice Cream: cookies and cream, moose tracks, peanut butter.
[x] Drink: sprite
[x] Thing to do: anything fun.
[x] Movies of all time: labyrinth.rocky horror picture show.purple rain.rock n roll high school.clockwork orange.etc
[x] Hangout: my house
[x] Pizza topping: mushroooms





X r a n d o m X

[x] Where do you see your self in 10 years: hrmm.in new york city or maine.
[x] If you could live anywhere: italy.
[x] Dream house: hrmm. big and pretty.stone.midevil lookin
[x] What age do you want to get married: hrmm.after or during college i guess.so like 20-24?
[x] How many kids do you want: eh.
[x] Girl's names:paige.cadence.i love that name now.
[x] Boy's names: shawn.dawson.darren.pretty names.






X h a v e y o u e v e r X

[x] Ever been in love:yers.
[x] Lied?: yers.
[x] Cheated on a test?: yers.
[x] Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend?: i would never.
[x] Had sex?: yers.






X f e e l i n g s X

[x] Worst Feeling in the world: invisibility.
[x] Best feeling in the world: loving and being loved in return.
[x] Can you define love?: it is.the one thing in life that once you find you cant ever let it go.it consumes every last drop of you.it is what your meant to do.love is like a prosess of finding that one person or not that you want to be with for the rest of your life.love is love is love.theres nothing more to it than love.
[x] Do you get along with your parents?: eh.
[x] Are you ticklish: sometimes.





X o p p o s i t e s e x X

[x] 1st thing you notice about the opposite sex: hair.hah.
[x] Perfect "dream" date: hawtness.getting along.conversing.me not being bored.
[x] What do you look for in the opposite sex?: everything.personality.music tastes.interests.he has to make me laugh.to make me feel like im the only one in the world that matters. he has to be kyle<3
[x] What does the opposite sex not know about you?: hrmm. that im a fuckign awesome individual.with hazel eyes.and a knack for cussing your ass out.heh.





X n i g h t t i m e X

[x] What do you wear to bed: pants.tshirt.
[x] What's your bed time: whenever i get sleepy
[x] Do you wish on stars: i do not.i found what im looking for.why ask for more? hes everything.
[x] Is there a TV in your room: yers.
[x] What's the last thing you do before you go to sleep: chores.homework.tv.talk to kyle.





X f r i e n d s X

[x] Person you can trust the most:all of them <3
[x] What is the best quality of a friend: trust and love.
[x] What friend{s} do you have the most fun with: everyone has fun with me.im just a fun person to be with:)

that was super fun.uhh.not really.:)

heh.

im socool.

<3
 
     

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02:51pm 01/12/2004
 
mood: .FYI im a nut.period.FIN.
mauhaah.. havent updated in ... FOREVER.. ahaha.. im such a lame-o.. hrmm

yesterday was allie zehs birthday! i <3 her..

today i didnt go to school whoops :/ my bad..

umm i met this pretty rad chick last night who goes to shaler and is my friend on myspace now.. were gonna meet in the bathroom at the beginning of lunch.. well we were suppose to today but hey i didnt go to school.. whoops again.. heh. shes uber cool and we were dissing theemo boysand punk wanna-beeees in our school. ::sighs:: and making fun of the zacharias mullaney :) i hate that kid.. well now i do.. hah!

hrmm.. well last weekend (friday) was uber spec-tacular.. movies with schindla, tony, and joe.. it was hott.. pure sex.. fun times.. i love those kids! ahhaha! we have so much fun together.. oh man yesterday in psych.. tony gave me these metal things and they r like a puzzle.. i got it in 2 seconds.. put it back together.. and coulndt do it again. hah wat a lame-o..

oh! i saw "my favorite stock boy" for the first time in the hall yesterday! ahh! i love john! hes so great! i gave him a hug and he just stood there lol.. then we chatted for a bit and he went to classay.. i <3 him hes so uber cool! what a sweetie pie..

work was fun... tey love me there.. tiffany and reeva kept saying how much they are in love with me it wasgreat! sarah and i wnet on break together and we ate coookies.. and she was going to steal a clementine.. but didnt.. and vogel came up for garbage and we hatted for abit.. what a cool kid.. hes goign to pti soon and he says life out of high school is boring and well hate it lol..

kyle and i are closer than ever! oh em gee i love him so much! we had well lets say ome major issues.. ad i belive they are all squared away now.. we had the greatest talk the other night.. and cried with each other on the phone.. it was just.. magnificent.. i dont know what id do without him.. im wearing a rin now too ;) because i <3 him.. hah! he called last night and we talked for a tiny bit.. and i completely forgot i took like 3 pills and they make you super tired.. and i fell asleep so fast! i mean its not even fnny.. but it is..i always do that lol.. im sorrrrry kyle lol..

my self esteem is boosted up uber time.. im happy and theres nothing else better.. im makig so many new friends! and i love them whole heartedly! except for the fact carlson wont talk to me.. im goign shopping for people friday and sometime next week.. for the mummie, cousins, friends and kyle.. tell me what you want!lol..

eeecks! i almost forgot! im so appy for my new friend shane! hes so in love with kirstie brown its not even funny.. hes like the sweetest guy in the universe an i hope she likes him back.. cuz he deserves the world and nothng less. i love u shane and kisrtie! <3

hrmm.. i found loads of pictures..some are moslty new.. and some are old.. so heres tuns of pictures to feast you eyes at;) i warn you.. theres a lot! so coment fr my hard work bitches!

old to new.. i feel brandy new. heh.Collapse )

i got the new.. gwen stepahni, papa roach,and breaking benjamin cds! they are uber awesome! yay!

<3 u all
 
     

(1 *wish* | *wish.upon.a.star*)

 
and im broken..   
05:16pm 08/11/2004
 
mood: pissed off
yeah..

it

definately

sucks

to

be

me

right

now..

my

life

is

absolutely

meaningless..

WoW.. how sad is that girl crying in the corner?Collapse )

ehh?

<3
 
     

(1 *wish* | *wish.upon.a.star*)

 
im hyperventalateing .. and i cant breathe .. let me die tonight .. cuz the pain just wont leave   
05:44pm 30/10/2004
  i hate my life and want to die..

my mothers a whore...

ive been totally ditched...

im all alone with no one..

ill eb all alone with no one all next week...

im sad..

im crying...

work sucked...

i guess you could say...

yea im an unhappy kid right now...

i want it all to end.. the heartache.. the let downs.. the bullshit.. the yelling.. the hurting.. the pain.. the sorrow.. the misunderstandings.. IM A PERSON TOO YOU INCONSIDERATE ASSHOLES!

i had a real conversastion last night.. with kyles friend dave and he told me some cool stuff about himself... igot to know him a bit better.he also gave me his phone # so when i get a cell hell be oe of the first people i call and gie the # too..

i hate being the one to blame for EVERYTHING that goes wrong...

i wanted to go to that concert tonight with carole and adam
i wanted to chill with mimi and allie
i wanted to see graeme and wyatt again
i wanted to take mundo pictures which i bought a cam for
i wanted to look cool with my arm warmers and afi tee and makeup
i wanted to dance and sing and listen to music
i wanted to hang out with real people
i wantd to party my ass off..
mot of all i wanted o finally do something that i wanted to do without any hesitations or any excuses and no one stood in my way.. not even my best friend wanted to go.. no one does things for me but here i am a nice persondoing so much shit for other people..im tired of it..

i want to talk to kyle.. but that wont happen.. hes probly doing something.. and he never goes on here... and i dont wanna email him to tell him to call.. its justlame.. im so missing him.. and he doesnt even know it..

oh well.. my life sucks and i hate it.. and i want it all to end

you people wonder why i wish i was dead.. well live in my house, with my friends, with my mom, with my problems, with my head, with being me and yoll know exactlly what i feel and then ud shut the fuck up and let me slit my throat...

you dont know what i fell and you never will

you dont feel what i feel sodont compare yourself..

you know what true emo is.. emotional.. not the music u listen to.. not the clothes u wear or how ur hair is.. its you.. you inside.. and you knw what.. im the most emo person i know.. and thats a fucking sad sad life..

wat am i goign to d with myself?

:(
 
     

(4 *wish*s | *wish.upon.a.star*)

 
MINE AND KYLE COMMUNITY!   
09:41pm 18/10/2004
 
mood: happy
GOOO MOTHA FUCKAS!!!




hxc_dorks

GOOOO!

ITS LIKE UBER SEXY DORK HOTTNESS!

<3!
 
     

(2 *wish*s | *wish.upon.a.star*)